Fighting through a journey of healing

Anthony Kauki has a vague childhood memory from daycare.

The 24-year-old from Kuujjuaq recalls himself and other children looking at clouds and one kid saying, “My dad could jump over that cloud.”

Anthony Kauki works with his sparring partner as he teaches him new moves at the H20 MMA gym in Montreal last month. This was his partner’s first day. (Photo by Cedric Gallant)

All the kids joined in, each sharing with pride what their dad could do.

“I didn’t really have a dad at the time, and I think this was the first time where I felt kind of different,” Kauki says.

Kauki, who just graduated from Dawson College in Quebec with a major in business, spoke to Nunatsiaq News about challenges he faced growing up, and how competitive fighting such as mixed martial arts and jiu-jitsu helped him face those challenges.

Now, he hopes to bring these sports to Kuujjuaq so other youths in the community can benefit.

Traditional values

“My mother was 17 and my father was 18 when they had me,” says Kauki, sitting at his dinner table next to a window that brings the spring breeze into his downtown Montreal apartment.

“My father was on the rise in hockey, and he kind of chose that over taking care of me.”

Kauki’s grandparents, who lived in Kangirsuk, took him in when he was about two years old.

“They taught me Inuit traditional values, they taught me to hunt, they showed me what a real relationship was supposed to look like,” he says.

Kauki was 13 years old when they died.

His grandfather was doing what he loved most, camping, when he died as a result of a freak accident. Soon after, his grandmother was taken by cancer.

“Life is gonna be hard sometimes and it will take away the things that you love most,” Kauki says, reflecting on his loss.

Grief and anger

The faceoff, both sparring partners clashing to see who gains the upper hand in throwing the other to the floor. (Photo by Cedric Gallant)

“The only people that ever wanted me are gone. I didn’t understand it, I didn’t understand why life would do that to me.”

Kauki considers it the most traumatic point in his life.

Calling his grandparents “amazing,” Kauki says he felt anger at losing them. After they died, he moved back in with his mother.

“I became this cigarette-smoking, weed-smoking gangster,” he says.

“I would lash out on anything. I would hit walls and break things. I had a lot of anger toward my father, toward my mother.”

His only lifeline at the time were his friends. He would crash at their homes when his mother kicked him out.

Taking control

One of his friends, named Dave, brought Anthony to a gym for the first time when he was 16.

They made a habit of working out at the Forum in Kuujjuaq, sipping caffeinated drinks and listening to inspiring speeches to boost themselves beforehand.

Kauki says working out forced him to face his problems head on.

“It became a calm flame, it became something I could use in other aspects of my life,” he says.

“Now that I have tuned myself to understand this feeling, it helped me project myself in places I wanted to go.”

Eventually, Kauki joined the H2O MMA gym in Ville-Émard, a neighbourhood in Montreal.  He has trained there ever since.

“I saw these people hone different aspects of their life, like anger, anxiety or shyness, and they channeled this energy to be beneficial for them,” he says.

“When I saw that, I wanted to become like that.”

There are no martial arts gyms in Nunavik, but Kauki says he aspires to change that.

“A gym like that would help a lot of people in the North, and there is nothing else like it,” he says.

Kauki has competed in multiple amateur Brazilian jiu-jitsu competitions, which is a particular style of jiu-jitsu. He credits his competitiveness and passion for the sport for giving him the outlet he needs to escape his past.

His healing journey is far from over.

“I have seen the dark side of life, and I have seen its positive side. Now, I am just in the middle of it all, being a human, trying to make sense of it all,” Kauki says, adding he’s learned to forgive his mother, his father, and even the angry young boy he used to be.

“I refuse to be a victim anymore. I am a victim of the world, but I am no victim of myself.”