Pot dependent spouse made life hell for his family

I am writing this because I am saddened by the Liberal Party’s stance on legalizing marijuana in Canada.

For the past six and a half years, marijuana and pot addiction has brought nothing but hell to my family.

Before pot addiction, my husband was a loving, productive hard-working dad who took care of his family well. He had a good job and provided for us through his wages.

He took my kids on outings, went hunting on a regular basis, enjoyed their Christmas concerts, took them to swimming and movies, made them qamutiit or fixed their bikes. He was an all-around good dad and husband.

He did not like marijuana or pot. He did not like dealers. He believed in honest work to make an income. He did not mean to get addicted when a new co-worker began smoking pot in a company vehicle.

At first, he did not like the smell, but he felt afraid to object or report. And then he mistakenly thought one puff wouldn’t cause any harm. He even laughed and said he wouldn’t become addicted.

But he got addicted. He hid his addiction from me, his kids and his boss.

Behind our backs, he got into an ugly cycle of doing anything for a whiff: selling his hunting snowmobile, hanging out with users for freebies and then a full blown addiction of using all his biweekly cheques, and then stealing from his employer. He got fired.

I left. But he promised to quit, so I went back. And then more secrets and empty promises. This cycle went for ages. He sold another hunting snowmobile and did odd jobs for a dealer for freebies.

He no longer cared about taking care of us. He no longer cared about his kids. He stopped taking them swimming or the movies, the Christmas concerts, the birthday parties, brushing their teeth or giving them baths.
He just stopped caring about anything at all. Once, he promised to take my son out to the lake for Toonik Tyme activities and even dressed himself up warm to go, only to change his mind last minute, leaving my son waiting all dressed up and disappointed.

He became heavily dependent on pot in every way possible, spiritually, emotionally and chemically. If he did not have pot, he would take out his withdrawals on us. He would make holes in the walls out of frustration or yell at us.

Over time, there were dozens of holes in the walls. And there were worse things than holes in the walls. Or he would just stay up all night and watch TV until he passed the withdrawal phase.

He would get a new job only to be fired again, because he would be late for work too many times or take long coffee breaks. He would also start stealing from me and I would end up worrying about how to buy food or pay the bills. Or he would say he would need hunting gas but end up selling the gas behind my back.

I would leave him time and time again. And because he could no longer care for himself, he would have a hard time supporting himself so he would plead for me to take him back. Over and over again.

Those who advocate for legalizing marijuana and pot just want to make me cry. They don’t understand the hell we go through, especially little kids who really need their dad to support them.

They make excuses like marijuana or pot is not a hard drug like heroin or cocaine or that it’s not as bad as alcohol. But any chemical dependency or addiction is bad as any other addiction.

This is because the addicted brain does not differentiate between substances — any addiction can have a debilitating hold on a person to the point where they can no longer function at all — because all they can think about is the next hit and the next one after that.

They can no longer love or think or be happy. The only time an addict feels able to function mentally or emotionally is when they are using. They become overly sensitive, or go into deep denial and start blaming others. Nothing is stable anymore because an addict goes through extreme mood swings from being happy to complete misery in seconds.

And they can become very good at making you feel guilty for everything. They become full of hatred and resentment if their addiction is not fed.

And they become good at hiding and pretending that life is normal, that using is normal, that stealing is normal, that lying is normal, or spending $300 to $800 a week on pot is normal or that drug dealing is normal.

And the excuses for using becomes normal. It no longer matters where the food comes from or even if there is any food at all or how the kids will have winter clothing – they can have hunger pangs or shiver in -45 and the addict wouldn’t even be alarmed.

Marijuana and pot has changed dramatically since the 1960s. It is no longer the soft hippy happy-go-lucky drug it used to be.

There are much higher THC levels, making it much more addictive and harmful in its cycle. It is also often laced with other substances like codeine or traces of meth. I have also seen fully healthy young teens develop mental disorders over long-term use, just on marijuana and pot alone.

I don’t really understand the arguments dealers and advocates make. They say there would be less crime, better regulations over marijuana and pot production. Or less time and energy and therefore less money spent on cracking down illegal marijuana and pot use?

The only thing I have seen is my kids losing their dad who they loved very much, through separation.

And no, he will not consider treatment even if he loses his kids, pot addiction is something he doesn’t want to give up over his kids.

I cry a lot alone and can’t really believe all the pretend happy and joyful announcements that advocates make. I guess our personal pain doesn’t mean much to them.

(Name withheld by request)
Iqaluit

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