With her killer convicted, Sylvia Lyall's relatives can speak out

When a Nunavut judge gave a 15-year prison sentence to Pat Anablak last week for strangling Sylvia Lyall to death, it ended nearly four years of waiting for the victim's grieving relatives.

Now they can speak without fear of jeopardizing a trial. Above all, says Janet Brewster, a niece of Sylvia and a spokesperson for the Lyall family, they remain haunted by guilt.

They wish they had done more.

Below are the family's own words, excerpted from victim impact statements submitted in court, printed at their request.

They hope, Brewster says, that if others read their own words, "maybe people will see themselves… and get out of that relationship or make a personal change, so they're not abusive."

Janet Brewster, niece

I re-live the last time I saw her on a beautiful day. I see what she was wearing, and wonder what she was thinking as she changed directions and went the other way without seeing me, and I wish to God I could go back in time and roll down the window to shout a warning to her that you would murder her that weekend.

There have been days where I have cried uncontrollably. I've woken up crying. I've cried at work, outside, in line-ups, at school plays, on airplanes, when I'm by myself or when I see or feel something that reminds me of her and what could have been, if only I'd known!

Your violence has changed the way that I sleep. If I happen to roll over onto my back in my sleep, I wake up absolutely terrified because of the image shown to me of Sylvia lying murdered on her back.

You have filled my heart with anger and rage and isolation. I feel guilty about what I should have said and done to help her. What more should and could I have done? I have asked myself and others that question so many times. I warned her that you were going to kill her. So many people warned her of this.

Kathy Meyer, sister

I was in deep deep denial for nine months. I thought everyone was playing a very bad joke on me and that Sylvia would "show up." This is when I had to get professional counselling and realized that you murdered my baby sister.

I had to take anti-depressants and sleeping pills to help me cope with my daily life. I started smoking too much and drinking too much. I still have trouble getting a good night's rest. When I close my eyes I cannot see anything. I have lost the ability to picture the blue skies, green rolling hills and the tundra.

I had bad anxiety attacks and I thought for sure that I would die. There are times when I feel that there will be harm done to other members of my family as well as to myself.

I had so much guilt because I felt that I could have done something to prevent you from taking my sister Sylvia's life. But it is you that did this and I continue to work on not blaming myself.

You are the one that did this to the mother of my nieces and nephews. They are the ones who have lost their mother. They will never see their mom have milestones that she so deserved. She lived her life to the fullest.

I often thought that she loved just a little too much. Now I regret having felt that, and Sylvia is not here to do just that. She deserved to love too much.

Amanda Ritchie, daughter

My mother will never get to watch her first granddaughter walk. My mother won't be there on my wedding day to tell me how beautiful I look. She won't be there to help my sister pick out a prom dress or be at her graduation.

My mother will never again be able to listen to her oldest son play guitar or watch her youngest son play hockey. We will never see her smile or hear her laugh, ever again. An entire lifetime was stolen from her. An entire lifetime of memories was stolen from me. Nothing can change that, or make it better.

In the real world she died almost four years ago. In my world it was yesterday. We have hid in our house for the past three and a half years.

We were not allowed to talk outside the family about what happened, in case it might jeopardize the murder trial. We have had to sit through delay after delay. It has been our private hell.

I grieve for my siblings, my cousins, for my aunts and uncles, for my own father, for my whole family who like me, have had their sense of security shattered by this terrible crime.

We are all a little less rational, a little less trusting, and a little more cynical because of the fear and knowledge that my mom's killer has inflicted upon us. We all feel much more vulnerable. We are all aware of the fragility of life, and how easily and senselessly it can be taken from us.

Betty Lyall-Brewster, sister

If it was not for the dream I had about you my little sister Sylvia, I do not know how I would be able to stand today. By the dream I was told that you went home the day you were taken.

You were a caterpillar walking on a dark lonely road. A car came by and cut you in half.

I watched the other half of you die. Then I watched your other half turn into a beautiful butterfly coming towards me and I saw your brown freckles on your face.

I knew that the Lord has taken you home when you came to tell me that you were now in safe hands. Now I know you are watching over me and I know that you are safe. Nukakuluuk nagligivagit. Little Sister I love you.