The unending pain of suicide


O dear God, what shall I do to take this pain away? This pain that Taliruapik left behind. Is it going to diminish as it always does when we lose someone to death? Is it going to linger because we lost her to suicide?

So much life to live and yet she chose to end it at the time she did. So many loved ones to mourn for her. One hard question that never seems to have any answer. Why? Whatever it was, we could have helped. Whatever it was, at the time of your pulling the trigger, that was the only lowest point of your feelings.

Right after that, there would have been help and love and partnership from your family.

I miss you. On this eve of the first anniversary of your death, I am dreading waking up to the day someone came to my house and told me that Taliruapik shot herself. Why? Why? Come back. Please just be alive. Don’t go.

Stay with us, your family who will have to live without you for many more years than if you had not committed suicide.

Your friends, your beautiful friends! They will miss you more than your family ever could because a friend is very special. The first few months, I grieved for your friends more than I grieved for myself, as the months has passed. I have come to grieve for myself more and it hurts. I miss you. I love you, my ingutaruluapik. I miss you.

Your anaanatsiakulluk,
Caroline Naktialuk

Share This Story

(0) Comments